Today ~ My Sorrowful and Thankful Heart ~ Coupons Additions Coming Later
I just wanted you to know that I won't be doing my usual Sunday routine — adding all the new coupons to the shopping lists. There are already a few good deals up this morning, though! I'm taking a day with little computer time and embarking on a thankfulness project.
Today would be my son's 13th birthday. I can imagine a big birthday party and the fun I would have planning it, but I can not imagine what Ethan would look like at that party. The last I saw him, he was 37 days old. I'm confident that he's in heaven and age and parties don't matter, but I can't help but wonder what he would look like or what type of party he would want.
I rest with the assurance that every day is amazing for him. My mind knows heaven is perfect. My heart knows heaven is even more perfect for me since Ethan is there and I'll be there enjoying the sweetness of it all someday.
I'm embarking on a thankfulness project to fill my heart with gratitude instead of sorrow. I have so much to be thankful for now, but I'm not even talking about that. Today, I'm focusing on the past. There are so many people who still come to mind that loved us in just the right way during that difficult time and beyond. Many things they did are a blur, some are crystal clear. Even the whirlwind of "blurs" are cherished.
If you are (or have been) on the other side, be confident that those little things you do that seem inadequate may show love in an incredible way. No, they won't take away the pain, but many won't be forgotten either.
If you're ever thinking of someone who has endured a trial (or is), let them know with words or a small gift. It doesn't have to be an exact date or perfect circumstance. If you wait for that, it may never come. Do it whenever you think about it and I'm guessing it will be the perfect time. A friend just dropped off flowers and homemade bread. I would have felt cherished if that was two months ago and she told me she was thinking of me and my little guy. Really, the timing doesn't matter! Can you tell my love language is acts of service? :)
I didn't intend this to be so long or give advice, but I think I'll hit "publish" anyway. Sorry that there isn't a deal of any kind in here. Don't worry — next post will be back to bargain business . . . and new Sunday coupons will appear on the lists soon!
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I read your story with tears streaming down my face. I have an intense passion for struggling little lives and seeing that picture of your precious little Ethan was more than my heart could take. I can't imagine the pain your heart feels. I do, however, know the fear that grips the heart of a Mommy when she feels her little cub is in danger in any way. My oldest child has insulin-dependent diabetes, which has threatened to take him more than a few times. Each time, I remember gripping for anything that would hold me up. I try to be strong, but I still sometimes wake up in the middle of the night, terrified that I will wake up and no longer have my son anymore…and yet you went through it. I am so inspired by your perseverence~how could I have anything but admiration for such a strong woman? As someone once told me, it's never goodbye…it's just "See you later, little one."
Tiffany, I'm sorry about your continuing struggle with diabetes. That's a scary disease, especially with a little one.
I'm sorry for putting up a picture that was difficult to see. To me, that's one of the best. We took very few pictures since they liked it dark in the ICU and we couldn't use a flash. So, besides some video, this is a rare treasure of when he looked "good" and I was able to take a picture. I cropped it to take off some other monitors, etc. I'm so thankful for all those tubes since it gave my baby a chance.
He lost the earthly battle, but I know he's in heaven. I don't just say that as a remote hope, I truly believe the my relationship with Christ gets me there and that David (in the Bible) spoke of "going to his child" after he died. I believe that means babies go there too, before they can make a decision. It definitely is a "See you later, little one." That part makes me smile, especially when I know he's having the time of his life — and it won't end!!
Thanks for your compassion. Sorry for the tears!
Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts. <3
Thanks, Jess! It means a lot to know people care.
Lost my beautiful daughter Mary this April. We are the wounded warriors.
I remember you telling me and prayed for you and others I know who have lost a child. I'm very sorry for your recent loss. I hope you are finding new joy in each day and are able to look forward to a sweet reunion someday!
I have his birthday on my calendar and thought of you and prayed for you today. I tried to read this blog out loud to Keith, but I couldn't get through it :( Missing my nephew who would have officially been a teenager today, but knowing you miss your son even more. I wonder if he would have liked video games as much as Luke?
I'd like to think he'd have different passions since all my kids seem to be different. I'm sure Luke and Ethan would still get plenty of killing in together, though. :)
I've often thought that I'm thankful Brianna made it home from the ICU! I'd hate to have her missing for our lives!!
I got Keith's email and told him we were going to bed . . . we really are now. Good night!
Thanks for sharing the pearls of wisdom you learned through such a painful time, we would all be wise to take them to heart. Praying for comfort and peace for you all today.
Thank you for the prayers, Karen. I didn't set out to share much more than I wasn't adding coupons to the lists, but more kept rolling off my fingertips. :) I hope something I said will bless givers and the receivers. Both are an amazing side to be on, and a privilege in so many ways.
My prayers are with you and your family. I pray you all feel the peace that comes with knowing you were blessed by knowing your son and will see him again someday. Thank you for all you do.
Yes, I do feel a peace from having such a wonderful blessing and having confidence that he's in heaven. I really appreciate the prayers and thank you for your encouragement.
Thank you for sharing, he is beautiful. Love to you and your family, you are a blessing to our family.
Thank you, Kerry! I appreciate the encouragement. You are a blessing too!
Juli, First, thanks for all you do to help others through your blog. Thanks so much for sharing your story and your heart with us. My heart goes out to you. I'll pray God comforts and guides you through your thankfulness project.
Blessings,
Jenna:)
I got all my notes written to people that I vividly remember touching me in a special way during that time or beyond. It was emotional and I had the worst headache ever, from crying, but it was good. :) I also had a great time with my family this evening. I sincerely appreciate your prayers. Thank you!
Just wanted to let you know I am thankful for all you do, and very thankful for the reminder to remember family even in the busy days of our lives. I decided to take the day to enjoy my husband and 4 kids today, relax, order pizza, play games, and let the bargain hunting and other things go for the day. JUst wanted to let you know you inspired me to remember and be thankful first for family.
I hope you had a wonderful day. I got to end my day with dinner out and Zoolights with the family. I have so much to be thankful for and am grateful many of them live under my roof. We are blessed!
Juli,
Thanks for sharing your story. Ill keep Ethan and your family in my prayers especially this thankful season. Thanks for all you have done!
Thank you, Daisy. Prayers mean so much to me and I know have helped me more than I fully comprehend!
Juli, Ethan is beautiful. I'm so sorry for your loss. When we lose a child we lose a future. One day we will rejoice with them. Our first daughter, Lauren Elizabeth lived for 21 hours. She would've turned 9 this past April. Not a day goes by that I don't wish she was here with us. Then I remember that she's exactly were she's supposed to be…in God's presence. My ds and dd know they have an angel up in heaven watching over them. I'm praying for you and your family today.
Janine, I'm very sorry for your loss. I'm glad you have precious children to cherish here on earth who understand that their sister is okay. It is a tough thing to endure, but I hope you feel as blessed as I do with what you still have!
I am so sorry for your loss, and am also inspired by your courage and example. I don't know you, but I also truly believe that your little Ethan is happy, cared for, and unconditionally loved where he is. God bless you and your family, and thanks for all you do!
Thanks for the encouragement, Susan. I am absolutely certain I'm going to be reunited someday and he's more than okay now. How can a mom complain about that?
Hugs to you Juli. Your story reminds me of the beautiful song "Held" by Natalie Grant and Gods promise that when everything seems to fall apart He will be there to hold us.
That's a great song and I am confident that I am held tightly — thankfully!!!
So sorry Juli. :o( But, I think of your reminder to do for others often, esp. this holiday.
Thanks, Gina! It was a tough, yet good day. Some years (even random days) it hits me more than others, but the past couple birthdays have been rough. I seem to have skated through a few and maybe I decided to let myself feel more on these days. We just go back from Zoolights, which was an nice ending to our day.
Oh, Juli Jo. I think if him quite a lot… and your eternally changed hearts. He is loved. Great reminders, too. Love you.
Thanks, Kristi! I've been thinking and praying for you lately, too. I will be on Christmas Eve as well. Hugs to you!!
(((HUGS)))
Thanks, Macey! I had an emotional, yet good day.
Ethan was a beautiful baby. Thank you so much for sharing your story! It has inspired me to be thankful for all I have, and that I need to not be hesitant in good deeds to others. Thank you!
Thank you for the note. Others will be blessed by your deeds!